Women often admire confidence. And confidence is the foundation of success. So why do women undermine their own confidence and self-esteem so often? Mostly due to lack of knowledge. The vocabulary of women contributes to this lack of knowledge, and often have no idea how they are affected by the words they speak.
There are certain phrases that make women look weak and vulnerable. In this article, we look at some of the main phrases that need to be erased from women’s vocabulary.
These are the phrases women say that make them look weak, self-defeating, and even a bit crazy:
“I Have Such a Bad Memory.”
Doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not: If you tell this to someone, they will assume that you cannot support your own argument. They’ll remember seeing something on an internet site once about how people with bad memories tend to be more negative than others. And as soon as they hear you saying something negative about yourself like this, their mind will connect the dots automatically… without conscious effort on their part! See what I mean? You have to keep in mind that people don’t necessarily see things from your point of view; most things happen at an unconscious level.
“If Only I” and “If Only they”
Not just wrong and damaging, it’s also dangerous: Because this phrase implies that you are a victim of circumstance. It may not sound like it, but go ahead and think about what you’re saying when you tell yourself or someone else that something is happening because of external factors… The truth is, there isn’t a single thing in the universe taking place outside of your control!
Try what, exactly? Trying at it turns into the implication that you’re not sure about your abilities – or even worse: You know that you won’t be able to succeed. Both mean just one thing: That you’ll give up before you ever start trying! That’s bad news, because trying is a crucial factor if we want to make progress in life.
The word whatever has become the most popular fill-in sentence that either communicates indifference or annoyance. It may seem harmless, but it isn’t; people hear this phrase as a sign for apathy and laziness. And don’t get me wrong now: There are situations where saying whatever makes perfect sense (for example, when someone threw themselves in the middle of your important work). But saying it every other sentence is just an excuse for not caring about what you’re saying.
“Everything Always Works Out Fine for Me.”
You would be surprised by how often I’ve heard this phrase in my coaching practice. Even more surprising was that these people actually started to believe their own lies and stopped seeing opportunities where they could have made better decisions or had a more positive attitude. And even though everything worked out fine in the end, they would have achieved much more if they had been proactive instead of reactive.
In my opinion, people use this phrase too often to explain their own shortcomings. Using “I’m Sorry” as an excuse enables you to shirk responsibility for your actions.
“There was Nothing Else I Could Do.”
This is another classic example of taking all the responsibility off yourself and passing it over to someone or something else. If you don’t like the outcome of a situation, take ownership and make changes so that next time the results are better than just “fine”.
“I’m Too Old For That”
No one is ever too old for anything. If you want to do something, make it happen! At forty years old I had finally developed a passion for mountain biking and decided to enter in the Leadville 100 Mountain Bike Race. There were other women on the course but I was the only competitor who had reached that age group (in fact, there were no others). Despite hitting my head pretty hard on one of the rock ledges during a tough descent, I still finished the race with a smile on my face.
“It was Nothing”
When a woman is looking for praise after getting something done or taking care of a responsibility, her partner tells her it wasn’t anything. Well, if it was nothing then why are you bothering to reject what she did? The word “nothing” has no value unless there’s really nothing to talk about. In that case, she just needs to accept his response and move on. It takes two minutes to say “Thanks for doing that with the kids this morning”, but 60 seconds isn’t enough time when he replies, “You do so much already; it didn’t take long.” I hate how dismissive those statements are, they’re not even really negative but the implications are clear.
“I don’t Know How”
This is another one of those statements that leave her feeling as she fails at life because it’s not something you say to someone who has come up with an idea, even if the idea is perfect for them. As a woman, she may have been presented with an opportunity by friends or co-workers. Maybe her boss came to her and asked for advice about how to handle a problem his team was having – but because he put his question into “I don’t know how” mode, he basically said that there isn’t a way they could solve this and now he just looks like someone who doesn’t know what the hell is going on.
‘So,’ the conversational pause that follows every sentence you utter, means that you are trailing off or running out of things to say. It’s also a way for women to hear themselves talk and feel like they have accomplished something. This is another one of those statements that in it’s original version can be taken as an insult. If a woman says catch-up with me so I can tell you about my day , it makes her sound like she doesn’t think much of your life if hers was more interesting than yours. This could lead to a conversation filled with resentment, where both parties walk away thinking about how they wished their lives were better or different because someone isn’t satisfied with what they already had.
This is a filler word that can be used when you’re not sure of what to say. It’s often mixed in with other words and makes the speaker sound unsure and nervous. Women tend to use it more than men do, but all people use it from time to time. Saying ” umm ” too much can come off as if you are trying to buy time so you don’t have to admit something.
You’re not a valley girl who always says ” like, oh my gosh! ” and spews nonsense words together to make conversations more exciting. It’s another form of filler that is used way too much by women and sometimes men. It can be an annoying habit that turns off listeners.
This is another filler word that is used too much and has become an annoyance. It’s often followed by a groan or gasp and can be annoying to hear unless someone says it in jest. Using this for everything you say or do reveals the opposite of confidence – uncertainty. It also shows that you aren’t sure if you’re saying something right, which might hurt your image and credibility as a professional.
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