1 ) Mid-Calf socks with salmon shorts
With the return of spring warmth comes the inevitable “lacrosse bro” uniform, and this means that mid-calves are back in season. An unfortunate trend for boys who never completely escaped tenth grade, mid-calves (especially when paired with salmon shorts), should be abandoned.
2) Sweatpants featuring the logo of your Alma mater
This should be an obvious one. Sweatpants are to be worn studying in your dorm room or while watching Scandal.
3) Destroyed boat shoes
Just keep your shoes in good condition. Nothing says unkempt quite like your heels rolling over the backs of your worn-down Sperry’s.
4) Tube socks
Socks should not be thicker than the material of the shoe itself. Memorize this truism.
5) Running sneakers (except when you’re running)
Men, find yourselves a nice pair of casual shoes to wear on Saturday afternoons.
6) Explicit graphic tees
You’re not cool if you think that advertising curse words on a t-shirt makes you cool. This is a simple fact.
7) Excessively baggy Eminem jeans
These are only remotely okay on Eminem, just because he’s Eminem.
8) Chains (vintage pocket watch excluded)
Again, very few men can pull off chains on pants. If you really feel you can (please ask first), choose wisely and think minimalist.
9) Too many little whales and alligators
Yes, we know you own a yacht, no need to advertise it anymore. Your investment banker father taught you better. One alligator shirt and one belt with whales please.
10) Cargo pants
You are no longer in fifth grade. These were pretty great when you went to the Aquarium for your birthday in elementary school, but you’ve moved onto bigger and better things now. Leave the past behind.