Everyone argues, no matter what they tell you, but there’s a right way to do everything. And by right, I mean healthy in this case. And by healthy, I mean so you don’t end up hating each other and killing one another. Here are some sure fire ways to insure you’re arguing in a healthier manner.
Arguments Are Healthy
First things first, arguments are healthy and whoever tells you otherwise is in a passionless ‘Leave it to Beaver’ relationship. If you don’t care enough to let your partner know when something is bothering you, you really don’t care about much else in the relationship. There is a healthy way to deliver your message, especially about how you expected your partner to treat you within the confines of the relationship. It is your right to have your voice heard, just make sure it’s a voice worth hearing out. And the way to do that is to remember what you want to achieve from each argument. Also, you have to understand why you’re having each argument in the grand scheme of things, as far as your relationship. Knowing why you’re arguing is just as important as what you’re arguing about.
Relationships Are A Team Game
While you’re arguing, you can at times lose focus of the relationship itself. Having an argument should be viewed as when sports teams or companies have a team meeting. Team meetings take place to refocus the players on what’s important for the success of the team. You should consider arguments in the same way. If your argument is not improving the quality of your relationship then you shouldn’t be having it. Also, your partner is not your opponent, that you have to defeat in order to win this game we call arguing. They’re your teammate, who you have to convince to see your vision for the success of your team. If you’re constantly viewing your partner as an opponent instead of a teammate then they’ll soon be playing on another team, you can trust me on that.
Don’t Do It In Public
Unlike sexual activity, which I recommend, don’t argue in public. Meaning don’t argue with your significant other in front of your friends, family, or even strangers. This should be common sense, but it seems everyone usually falls victim to this no-no. In case you don’t follow me, let me explain.
If you argue in public it will compel the public to do a number of things.
First, is perhaps prompt the “public” to get involved—by supporting you or your partner, placing either one of you in a uncomfortable position—where one feels ganged up on by someone who’s an outsider of the dynamics of the relationship.
Second, might be that the “public” might start to judge your relationship unjustly. When you see a couple arguing in public you assume that that’s all they do. The fact that they can’t hold off arguing gives the impression that arguments spill over into their public life.
Third, is the public will perhaps consult you after the argument and offer their blind opinion. Everyone has an opinion, they’re like belly buttons, and mostly useless. Just because someone gives you advice doesn’t mean they know you or your partner the way you know each other. When you receive any advice take into account that this person’s perspective is limited. Except my advice, I’m all-knowing.
Tone Is Everything
It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it! You could be making a great point, and no one would want to hear it because of the way that it was delivered. Yelling does not make your point more valid. Being overly emotional can be viewed as manipulative. Throwing in passive aggressive lines can deflate entire arguments and even relationships. It’s okay to be passionate when you’re upset about something, but it’s better to make your point in a calm, cool, and collective manner when you can help it. A calm tone conveys that you have taken serious thought to the matter and are not just speaking on impulse. Also, it’s more pleasant to hear out someone that has taken their time to be in control while speaking. If you notice, not much gets accomplished while you’re yelling at each other. This has taken me great effort to learn myself, but with help from my significant other I am learning to watch how I say things.
Know When To Walk Away
Arguments are bound to get heated, and when they’ve reached their boiling point get out of the kitchen. Nothing good could come from arguing when you’re too angry. You’re not seeing things clearly, you’re not going to communicate effectively, and jumping into an argument is just going to make you angrier. It’s best to take a moment to cool off, and even plan out when you’re going to have the argument so both parties come prepared and don’t feel attacked. Also, when you see that an argument is getting away from the point of repairing the relationship then it’s also time to walk away and live to fight another day. The point is to fix what’s wrong not see who’s the best debater.
Neither One Of You Is Psychic
I’m predicting…that you’re beginning to understand…how to argue…in a healthy way. But you still don’t understand why your partner doesn’t just know not to piss you off all the time. Don’t expect them to know how you’re feeling, it’s unrealistic. Sure they probably know you better than anyone, and you’ve probably repeated yourself countless times about all your likes and dislikes, but everyone is human. If your partner spent all their time remembering all the things that make you sad, mad, happy, excited, melancholy, or whatever, then they wouldn’t have the time to be the person you have so much affection for, so forgive them. Don’t assume that they’ll know how you’re feeling. Don’t think that they know that you’re mad at them or feeling anything else for that matter. Even if you’re great at picking up on the way they’re feeling at times, I’m sure you yourself have your shortcomings. But at least now you’ll be the one that knows how to argue in a healthy way.
